I saw a tweet from Chris Brogan that said “the prescriptions we write for others are often meant for ourselves.” It came across tweet deck at the exact second I was opening up this screen to write this blog. After a conversation I had with my friend and fellow small business owner, Kelly, I am once again calling myself out. This time it ain’t personal. This time, it’s business.

I feel like a hypocrite sometimes. We consult our clients about updating websites, running analytics, choosing a target market, creating a social media strategy and leaving room in their budget for marketing. And then we don’t always follow our own advice. I am so busy teaching our clients about the importance effective branding and marketing for their company, that I don’t do it for our company. But am I really too busy? Or am I lazy? Or scared? Why is it that I can guide another small business owner down a path of success and have a hard time doing these exact things for my own company?

The easy answer, and one I have used numerous times, is that clients are paying me to help them. That is a cop out. There is a quote out there that says the cobbler’s son has no shoes. The cobbler is so  busy repairing other people’s shoes that his own son doesn’t even have a pair. But the cobbler has to make a living so he can feed and shelter his child, right? I don’t know  about you, but I wouldn’t go to a cobbler to have my shoes repaired if I knew his son didn’t even have any. I mean, I have an entire closet full of shoes. Oh wait, I am not a cobbler….

So what am I going to do about this? Well, I have composed a list of my opinions of how we are lacking as a company, not only to ourselves, but to our clients. I composed a list of how I suck. Meaning, what role am I playing in these areas that need to be improved? I have asked Matthew to write down how he sucks. And we are going to take an entire day, with no internet access, no cell phones and no client meetings to start fixing us. We aren’t giving our clients what they deserve. And our clients deserve more. We deserve more. We are building this company as a legacy to leave to our kids. The least we can do is make sure our legacy has a fabulous pair of shoes…..

This weekend was just a ton of fun. The kind of weekend where you are hurting on Monday morning from the lack of sleep, but every minute was totally worth it. It was a weekend where I was surrounded with some amazing friends who constantly make me laugh and who love me for who I am. Matthew even made an appearance, putting an end to the rumor that he didn’t actually exist. And yes, I had to explain that we were not married and that I was not the mother of his child. (enter Tennessee joke here)

In the past couple of years, I started to realize that choosing the people I spend my time with is extremely important. I spend a lot of time with my family, but they have to like me and support me and listen to me and occasionally pretend to laugh at my jokes, because they are, well, family. And I have started to look at my friends as my family.

I was having a great time at Dani’s housewarming BBQ with a group of people I have only known for about 6 months or so. These people make me feel so comfortable and really do like me just the way I am. I can tell a cheesy “that’s what she said” joke and they laugh. We all share common interests, and are all “geeky” and “feeky” in our own ways, but what brings us together as friends is acceptance. We accept each other, just as we are. I choose to spend time with people who are accepting of others, not judgmental and who have a positive spirit. I choose to spend my time with people who make me laugh so hard that my abs hurt the next day. And I am aware that this is a conscious choice.

I am getting wiser about choosing my friends. Which brings me to my thoughts about choosing clients.

Yes, I know this is different from choosing friends because clients are how we pay our bills and grow our company. My friends don’t pay me. Often. At first I thought I had to work with anyone who could pay us what we are worth. Now it seems we have learned from that mistake and seek those clients who understand the worth of our creative capital.  We spend an extended amount of time with our clients, and I want to feel comfortable with them and have similar interests and goals in life.

The power of that choice is one of the blessings we love about owning our own company. That choice is something that Matthew and I agreed on a long time ago, but have only recently practiced. We are aligning ourselves with positive people and businesses who know that the work we do together makes a difference. We’ve discovered that if a client isn’t a match or chooses to work with someone else, that it’s not a lost opportunity, and it may actually lead to a better opportunity. And when projects present themselves with prospects who aren’t a good fit, by saying no, we are opening the door for clients we’re really meant to work with. Think about it. Every time you say “yes” to something, what are you saying “no” to?

So maybe I am a little lonely. I have hit the 4 week mark since my daughter left to see her dad, and it hurts. I saw a family in church today with a little girl who reminded me of Clair, and she was snuggled in her dad’s arms falling asleep and I could see the sheer happiness on his face. I tried to act like it was the song we were singing, but it was really the ache in my heart that made me cry. I was a little jealous of the families, the couples with their shiny wedding bands and glowing smiles. For the first time in nearly 2 years, I missed being married.
I don’t miss the person I was married to, but just having someone to be with. No matter what, your spouse has to hang out with you. It’s a rule. And I miss that. Yes, I have great friends and an amazing family, but I miss having someone who wants to spend time with me because they want to. I miss being appreciated. I miss being wanted.
When I have Clair with me, she needs me. She lights up when I pick her up from daycare and doesn’t like to leave me in the mornings. She runs to the door and yells, “that’s my mommy!” and wraps her arms around me. She begs me to let her sleep in my bed and insists I put my arm around her. She says that is her spot. And it is. And I miss her.
I am so thankful that I was married so that I could have her. I don’t regret my marriage. At all. I met one of my best friends because of my ex and I can’t imagine my life without her. I am not looking to fill this sadness with another marriage or another child. I am just admitting that I am a little lonely. And that I miss having someone to be with. And that sharing custody of my daughter is hard and painful, but I know she needs her dad. But dammit, I am a little bit lonely.

Do you ever have those times in your life, when you know you are doing exactly what you are meant to be doing? It seems so easy to question decisions we make,  second guess our motives and then later regret what we did. I am sick of doing that and have really made an effort in the past 2 years to not do things that I may later regret. But this past weekend, I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than spending 25 hours with 30 of my new friends. I have been known to stay awake that long for events like a football weekend at Ole Miss or Mardi Gras (that may be another post of its own) but this time there was no Miller Lite involved and we made a difference in hundreds, if not thousands of lives.  Let me tell you about my new buddy, Andy.

I cannot tell you Andy’s story nearly as well as he can, so I will just give you the abbreviated version and ask him to write his own blog post with all of the details. Andy was born into a cycle of generational incarceration. He came from a family of crime and followed nicely into the family business. Andy spent 27 years in prison. And he was a bad ass.  He was a fighter and figured he would just stay in prison for his entire life, because he didn’t know any better. And then one day, while sitting in the prison yard preparing for another brawl, he had an epiphany. He didn’t have to be bad. He could change. And he did. He opted out from the life he had lived from his earliest memories, and learned to love himself. And he learned that he could be loved. And when he was released from prison, he made it his life mission to stop the cycle of kids following their parents to jail.

Andy’s passion is changing the vicious cycle of generational incarceration. Those are fancy words for the proven fact that if one of a child’s parents has been in prison, they have a 50% chance of also spending time in jail. He and his wife Linda have been working with Reconciliation Ministries for years, and through the power of social media, specifically Twitter, they met Jessica Murray. I am probably a little biased, as Jessica has become a dear friend, but this girl makes things happen. She partnered with Ian Rhett with an idea to help Andy and Linda bring their passion to life. And when people who genuinely love making a difference come together with a cause, amazing things like YouthTurns are the result.

Over 30 volunteers came together to create an identity for YouthTurns, including a website, marketing plan, social media strategy, a documentary, a handbook and brochures. We spent over 24 hours at CoLab in downtown Nashville, not including the numerous planning meetings that took place the months beforehand. The vibe in the place was unreal. It seemed like we had all known each other for years. Andy and Linda were so gracious and full of love, not only for each other, but for all of us. It was magical. I know, that sounds really cheesy. But that is the only way to describe it. As a small business owner, I see my time in 2 ways. I am working and making money, or I am not. Matthew and I have to really decide how much of our time can be donated to volunteering, or even sleeping:) This experience made us  both realize how important it is to give back. More than just writing a check to adopt a kid in Africa or to support a local politician. Donating money is a great thing as well, but sometimes just your time makes the biggest impact.

So we did it! Andy has a new website, brochures to tell people more about how they can help, a documentary that will move you to tears, a Facebook Fan Page, a Twitter account, and over 30 new friends who are just as passionate about stopping this cycle of kids going to jail. I don’t know what it is like to have a parent in jail. I don’t know what it is like to be in jail. But I have a daughter, and as a parent, it is my natural instinct to take care of her. And other kids. So take a second to go to the new site and learn how you can help. I am not asking for money. I am asking you to spread the word. Maybe you know someone you can introduce to Andy. Maybe you know a kid who needs help, or a mentor who can volunteer to change these kid’s lives. Make a choice to make a difference. That is one you won’t regret.

My new friends!

So, I called myself out last week. A few of my friends said I probably posted a little too much info, but that is my style. Go big or go home, right? And let me tell you, once I wrote a blog about all the crap in my life, some of the crap went away. I am a firm believer in writing down your goals, and telling people you are close to what you want to accomplish so that you have a way of being held accountable. I mean, it is one thing to just say to myself that I want to lose 10 pounds. But when I write it down, tell my closest friends and family, post a blog about it, that I put out into the Twitterverse, then dammit, I had better follow through!

And one week into my little confession, I am doing it! I started boot camp this week and I feel so much better with just 2 workouts under my belt. I could totally do without the large mirrors in the room that remind me how I really look in my workout pants, or the chick who is like 10 years older than me who can do so many push-ups that I want to punch her, but I will get there!  I am eating better. Much better, in fact. I am allowing myself one glass of wine at night. And not the one glass that is really poured all the way to the top, that you have to sip, and do a re-pour. Just a small pour of a nice red wine and that is my treat.

I checked in at 2 different yogurt shops in Franklin, and my Foursquare friends called me out. I loved it! I wasn’t actually eating at either place, but because I publicly stated that I was going to eat better and lose weight, I opened up the door to that kind of accountability. Which is why I will be successful. Once I put these things down on paper (ok, on my blog), I feel like I would disappoint not just myself, but my friends who are proud of me, if I didn’t stay on track with my goals.

I am very excited about my  goals. I am setting business goals with Matthew and we are making a plan to reach them. This past week has brought with it a lot of clarity. I am a better friend and have been able to help a few others talk about what is holding them back, and feel like I can be a true accountability buddy. I still have a long way to go, both personally and professionally, but I will take it one day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. Keep the axe to the grind. I will push the envelope. Bring my A-game. Hit the ground running. Put a stake in the ground. Insert yet another cliche here…..You get the idea:) It all starts with putting it in writing.

So what can you write down this week to make yourself publicly accountable?

Instead of going to a function with girlfriends on Saturday night in Franklin, I opted for a night alone. That may sound like a simple act, but I don’t like being alone. I am always with my friends or with my family. I hang out with my brother and his fiance so much that people who don’t know I am related to Matthew probably think he has 2 girlfriends. Lucky guy…. Anyway, the A/C in my condo was out, but the rain brought the temperature down a few degrees so I opened the windows,  cooked a lovely dinner, opened a nice bottle of red wine and soon realized I wasn’t going to be alone that night. No, it wasn’t a last minute date, though 3 texts from my girls almost convinced me to head out for a cocktail:)  I was flipping through the countless channels on the teevee (as my friend Scott likes to call it) and stumbled upon my friend Bridget. Of Bridget Jones’s Diary. The last time I watched that movie I was happily married and kind of felt sorry for the 30-something single chick looking for her man. Though I was still appalled at her lack of cooking skills, and couldn’t stop laughing at the “granny panties” incident, I watched that movie in a totally different light. And adored it! All I could think about was that she found a man who liked her just as she was. And that is what got me thinking….

Have you ever been going through your life, day by day, hour by hour, task by task, thinking everything is just perfectly fine, and have a serious realization that you are lying to yourself? I don’t think any of us mean to lie, especially to ourselves, but it becomes a way to get through each day. It’s not like I am addicted to drugs or that I am embezzling money from my company. I’m not cheating on a spouse or stealing groceries from the store. I’m not telling the big lies that people get arrested for. Not the lies that your parents call you out on. But the little ones, like you are okay with the fact that your jeans are too tight or that you aren’t bothered that he didn’t call you. Or that it doesn’t matter if you go to church, call your girlfriend you haven’t talked to in months, forget a special birthday or hang out with a guy who really isn’t right for you. I have started to settle. And I am ready to change. I went to bed on Saturday night, after an evening with Bridget and realized it was time for a serious “come to Jesus” with myself.

I haven’t had a real workout routine since I moved here over a year ago. I have gained almost 10 pounds and my clothes don’t fit the way they did last summer. I am not taking care of myself the way I should be. I was a personal trainer for 2 years and know better than most how I should be exercising and eating. Every time Bridget hopped on the scale and wrote down her weight, I thought about the scale that I am afraid to use hiding in my bathroom.

I stopped going to church a few months ago because I was lazy and I would rather sleep in on a Sunday. I personally don’t think you have to go to church to be a good Christian, but for me, it has always been a part of my life. So I woke-up Sunday morning with a renewed desire to improve. I actually lectured myself. Out loud, while I was shaving my legs. I told myself that I needed to get in gear. Exercise needed to become a priority. The ridiculous dating game I was getting into needed to end. I was wasting time waiting for text messages, getting my feelings hurt if I wasn’t asked out 3 days before the weekend and then spending time with people who were not pushing me to be better.

So I went to church. And I was still. And I listened. And I reflected on the truth. The truth is that I tend to cover up my insecurities with too big a smile. Or one more social event. Or attention from a cute guy. Or another glass of wine. Or an extra helping of dinner. And I am done with that. I am not lying to myself anymore. It is time to exercise, get out of bed a little earlier, say no to a few social events, pass on that extra helping of food and stop worrying if he is going to call. It is time to not just lecture myself, but to actually listen. And take action. Because I am ready to like myself, just the way I am.

I totally got called out on my dating brand. And I deserved it. Part of the problem is that today, people date via text messages. I know, that makes me sound old, doesn’t it? Well, the last time I dated anyone was 10 years ago and texting didn’t exist. Well, I don’t think it did at least. I just learned how to text a year ago. So here I am now, getting back into the dating scene (with a Blackberry!) and rather than calling, which is so personal and actually takes effort, people text now. Which, I have to say, I am a huge fan of. Unless you forget to put a or after a comment and then the other person takes it seriously and responds with ??? or !?! and then you are all “oh, I meant ” and then they are all “oh, K, back at ya!” and then you are all ” ))” and then…..yeah, very complicated I tell you. But the problem is that when you are talking digitally, you don’t have to really be yourself. You have time to think of a cute and witty answer, and don’t have to respond right away. And let’s not forget that you are getting to know this person, but aren’t even around them.

So here I was having this “conversation” via text and we started “talking” about our expectations. Like, are we going to date other people? Are we going to be serious or not? So my answer was that I did want to date this guy but didn’t want to be too serious.  And he called me out by asking what I meant by “serious” and I had no response. So once again, my dating  brand is all jacked up. Do I want to date just one person? Am I ready to do that? Is it too early to even talk about it? I don’t know. I just learned how to read the difference between a and . And yes, there is a difference.

So, I am going to do a better job of communicating in person. Which made me think of how I interact with my clients. I think I need to pick up the phone a little more often rather than just shooting off an email. I am a firm believer in hand written notes as well, and am making an effort to send one to all of my clients, existing and prospects, just saying that I appreciate them. Think about how cool that would be if the person you were dating sent you a nice note instead of an email or a phone call. It’s all about making that person feel special. That is what dating is all about, as well as client relationships. Really, dating and owning my own business are pretty similar. Know who you are as a person and as a company, be up front about your expectations, think of the other person and open yourself up to honest communication. And don’t make out with your clients. It’s that simple!

I am on vacation, in Hilton Head, South Carolina, where my brother and I spent a week of every summer for most of  our childhood. Our parents own a timeshare here and I have more memories of this place than of any other in all of my travels. Last year we started the tradition of bringing our girls here to make our own memories. Luckily our parents don’t mind us taking the place for a week, as they can relax and get a week of kid-free time!

My 7-year old niece just said something really cool. She came up from the pool to make lunch and looked over to see her dad and I both working on our laptops. As much as we would like to take an entire week off, the fact that we are the only 2 people in our company means that someone has to work. At least a few hours a day. So, we decided today would be a work day to get going on some new projects. So Ryely looks over from the kitchen and says, “Wow. I love that my aunt and my dad work together in their own company.” And it made me thankful, yet again, that I am lucky enough to do so. See, I can take a vacation, to a place where I remember the exact smell of the beach and the taste of the bubble gum ice cream I used to get every afternoon. I can introduce my daughter to the same beach I used to look for shells on, and teach her to swim in the pool I spent countless hours in. I can make dinner with my brother and his fiance in the same tiny condo where my mom used to make us dinner. I am even sleeping in the bunk bed that I used to fight over with my cousins. And for the 2nd day in a row, we have all slept until 10 am.

This condo has a few upgrades, which includes free Wi-Fi, allowing us to do our job from here. That really is cool. So, I get the best of both worlds. That seems to be a new theme for me these days…..along with another reminder of how blessed I am. Now, back to work so we can have pina coladas for happy hour! I love this place!

My beach baby!

I woke up this morning and was kind of annoyed that I had to find something to wear tonight to the Princess Ball, a Daddy/Daughter dance in Franklin. My first thought was that I had to shave my legs, find a decent “fancy” dress and get Clair’s outfit together. That, on top of everything else I have to do. And then I really thought about how blessed I am. My dad wants to take his 32 year old daughter, his almost 3 year old granddaughter and his other 7 year old granddaughter to a Princess Ball. He paid fifty bucks to watch his girls dance and put on make-up and run around acting like a princess. He is putting on his uniform to take us and asked me specifically to get a great picture of him with his granddaughters. He has friends in town, and he wants to be with his girls. That’s my dad. Yep, that’s him.

When I moved back to Franklin, I realized that the 2 men in my immediate family are amazing fathers. Both my dad and brother are such strong role models for my daughter. Her dada is a great dada, but he doesn’t live here and she only sees him once every couple of months. She needs a consistent male presence and they provide that for her. Our neighbor, Mr. Mike, is also an amazing father. Just the other night I was hanging out drinking a glass of wine chatting with he and his wife, one of my best friends, and our girls were playing. I started to get Clair ready to leave so we could go home, and he offered to give both of the girls a bath so Emmely and I could have some time to catch up. I love that Clair sees a kind and positive interaction with Mike and Emmely. No matter how strong I try to be as a single mother, I know how important it is for her to see mommies and daddies getting along and loving each other. She was 1 when her dad and I separated, so she will never remember us when we were happy. Or even together. But she will know that you can be happy with or without a man. Or woman.

My dad loves my mom. More than I can ever describe. He is so kind and thoughtful and even though he tells the same jokes all the time and can’t grill to save his life, he is an amazing father and example of how a man should treat a woman. My  brother is the same way. He opens the car door for me. I have dates that don’t even do that (and I won’t go out with them again). He stands when his fiance enters a room or leaves the table, makes my grandmother’s plate at Sunday Damn Dinner, and teaches his daughter self-respect.  The role of a father is not just to bring home the bacon and throw the ball around with your kids every once in a while. Everything you do as a father leaves an impression on how your daughter, or son, will interact with their potential partners.

So, this Father’s Day weekend I am thankful for all of the fathers in my life. Not just for my own father, but for my brother, my neighbor, and even my ex.

The past 2 weeks have been heavenly for a burger lover! The new high-end burger place on 12th South, Burger Up, was quite the experience. The place is packed, and has a line most nights, so my fellow foodie Beth, who is friends with the owner, got us the special long table. We were like the VIPs of the place. Because we had 10 people, that worked out nicely. I was so happy that Thomas, Kelly, Dani, Les, Julia, Beth and Lesley could join me. My cute date was an hour late, so he didn’t eat. I will save that story for the dating side of this blog…..

The atmosphere at Burger Up is great, their drink specials looked fabulous (though pretty pricey) and their menu had quite the selection of burgers. We got right to it and I ordered the Mushroom Swiss burger, because of my weakness for shrooms. On a burger. I paid the extra buck for the truffled fries because Julia and Beth told me I had to. The waiter was great and while we were waiting for our food, I had to get a Yazoo brew. You would be so proud of me for drinking a real beer rather than my usual Miller Lite. Ok, they don’t serve Miller so I went for my second favorite. Burger Up partnered with Yazoo on other menu items, and served Bravo Gelato for dessert. I love a place that supports its local merchants!

So, the burgers were delivered and they all looked amazing. The truffled fries smelled too divine to even describe. Oh, the onion rings were to die for! And all of the condiments are hand made. The bun was light and had almost a ciabatta texture to it. I am a medium rare girl and this burger wasn’t quite rare enough, but it was delicious. The mushrooms were done in a balsamic glaze that went very well with the Gruyere cheese. I could have used a little mayo, but decided to eat it as served. It was a very good burger, but maybe a little too fancy. The mushrooms overpowered the beef, so I couldn’t enjoy the natural flavor. I think I am more of a plain  burger girl, so that is what I will order next time. Oh, there will definitely be a next time. The overall score on Courtenay’s scale of yumminess: excellent.

Burger Up Mushroom Swiss Burger

So, when I started this process, and asked people where the best burger in Nashville was, Brown’s Diner was quite a popular choice. I knew I was going to taste it, but after Kidd told me it was epic or breathtaking or something like that, I had to quickly get in to see what the fuss is all about. I mean, when Kidd Redd tells you to do something, you just do it. We had another big crowd including the regulars, along with Kidd, Kenny and my intern, Ashley. When I say Brown’s is a dive, that hardly describes it. It is a trailer. With old school tables and chairs and a very simple menu. Nothing fancy about this place. At all. But, the burger was fabulous. Good old white bun, plain american cheese, white onion, lettuce and tomato. Just like your grandpa would make at a family BBQ. Scott pointed out that the grease used to cook the  burger was probably 40 years old. That only made it better in my eyes. Overall score on Courtenay’s scale of yumminess: damn good burger. Damn good, I tell you.

Brown's Diner simple cheeseburger

Everyone keeps asking me which place has been my favorite so far. Here are my top 3:

#1 Daily Dish #2 Bunganut Pig #3 Brown’s Diner

Yep, Brown’s is that good. And cheap! In the coming weeks, I will visit Twin Kegs, McCabes Pub, Fat Mo’s (we have one in Planet Franklin), Corner Pub, Jackson’s, Halfway Market, and Edgefield Cafe. Yes, my list is getting longer, rather than shorter, but I swear, this is it! No more. Really. Someone else can take over after that….