Don’t get me wrong. It is important to think of others and not live your life in a selfish manner. But we should never feel guilty for following our own hearts and doing what is best for us. If you are miserable at work,  find a new job. If you are being dragged down with negative friends, make new ones. If the person you are dating doesn’t bring out the best in you, break up with them. If you don’t like the education your child is getting,  find a new school. Take control of your life, trust your instincts and be true to yourself.

If you aren’t being true to you, why would anyone else?

Problem was, they were behind on their schedule. These guys had been on the trail for 3 weeks and had been keeping up a killer pace. Rain slowed them down the night before and they were hours late. Phones were dead or had no reception. We left. They arrived 30 minutes later, though we wouldn’t find this out until later when phones were charged and we were almost back to Nashville.

Sounds like an epic fail. Sounds like we drove 11 hours for nothing. Sounds like we wasted our time and money on equipment we didn’t use. Sounds like all of our planning was for nothing. Perhaps. But I am a firm believer, with every ounce of my core, that absolutely everything happens for a reason.

I got 2 whole days with my little brother, without technology to get in our way. I got him to listen to country music and he got me to listen to his talk radio. He proved to be a hell of a navigator and quite a serious camper. We talked about our family, our kids, our jobs and our futures. We were quiet for spurts and laughed more than we have in years.

We raised $1000 for the Warrior Hike, and every penny will go towards the purchase of adaptive vehicles for veterans who have suffered multiple amputations during combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. So, no. Not a second of my time was wasted this weekend. The trip didn’t go as planned, but who am I to think I am really in charge of plans in the first place?

The view leaving Erwin, TN

]]> http://www.siblingsnotspouses.com/?feed=rss2&p=1194 5 http://www.siblingsnotspouses.com/?p=1188 http://www.siblingsnotspouses.com/?p=1188#comments Thu, 16 Feb 2012 17:23:30 +0000 Courtenay http://www.siblingsnotspouses.com/?p=1188 I post a lot to Facebook. I know, that shocks you. Last week my status update was “I am dating myself. And things are great so far!”. Most people probably thought it was just me being a smarty pants, but the statement has a lot of merit to it.

After dating a guy for a  couple of months, I realized it wasn’t going anywhere and ended it. No biggie. Just not gonna work. Good luck to you. Peace out. Sayonara. You get it…. My first reaction was to hop right back into being single and get back “out there”. But then I made a very serious decision to date myself.

The time that goes into getting to know someone or to casually date a couple of people goes to me. Dinner after work? Yep, that’s my time. Movie on a Saturday? I will do that with Clair. Texting me rather than calling me? I can do that with my best friend. Find myself with a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon? I will get a pedicure, massage or take a nap. Alone.

So Valentine’s Day rolls around and my friend Ramon told me I inspired his column in the local paper. Personally, I hope it inspires more women to date themselves, take time to enjoy getting to know who they are and relish in alone time. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Repeat that, girls. Aloud.

Here is an excerpt from the column:

Courtenay shared some serious thoughts with me about this relationship stage in her life.

“I used to be a serial dater. I would get out of one relationship and hop right into another. I am finally learning, after a divorce and a broken engagement,  that I need time to be alone and focus on myself. I have also learned that focusing on yourself isn’t one bit selfish and is actually a necessary part of growing up.

And Courtenay has a thought about Valentine’s Day: “It sucks! Not because I am a woman pining for a man to send me overpriced red roses or take me to dinner at a restaurant that assumes you want to share your dessert. It sucks because every day should be filled with love. And a whole dessert. And flowers of your choice. I don’t need to be reminded by a fat baby in a diaper with a bow and arrow that I should tell someone I love them. I do that daily, starting with myself.”

Courtenay knows that in due time her heart will be ready for love again. But in the meantime, don’t feel sorry for Courtenay that she doesn’t have a date for Valentine’s Day with a special someone. She does…with friends, her daughter, and with one remarkable lady who was once a stranger to her but who is now a wiser and trusted friend.

Read the entire column here.

I am the queen of asking for forgiveness rather than permission.  “Why not?” is a common phrase in my vocabulary and most of my friends know that I’m the girl you bring into awkward or tough situations because I can handle most anything. This is how I want to live. Audaciously. Passionately. Actively. Purposefully.

A ROTC friend of mine from Ole Miss inspired me to hike with him. Not only for the amazing experience that the Appalachian trail has to offer, but to raise money for wounded soldiers. This hike has a purpose. I strive to involve myself with events and people with a purpose. My brother is joining me, and I’m sure a few others will tag along for the adventure.

50 miles and 3 days of my life is nothing compared to the soldiers who give their lives to keep us safe. Take a moment to read about the Warrior Hike and see if you can donate. Why not?

Then, like the evangelist healing the desperate on a trampoline,
you bounce back with acceptance and the belief that you deserve it.

A ping pong game between pride and humility, all within a few seconds.

Coco’s Spinach and Quinoa Enchiladas

• 1 cup quinoa, prepared as directed on the box (I used red quinoa)
• 2 boxes frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
• 2 small onions, roughly chopped
• 1 container baby portabella mushrooms
• 1 red pepper, 1 yellow pepper sliced into strips
• 26 oz vegetable stock  (feel free to substitute with chicken stock)
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 3 tablespoons flour
• 1 cup Monterrey jack cheese
• 1 cup pepper jack cheese
• olive oil for sauteing
• salt and pepper to taste
• dash of red pepper
• 10 tortillas (I used whole grain)
• 1 can green chili enchilada sauce

Slice peppers into strips and drizzle with olive oil and roast at 400 degrees until soft, about 10 minutes. Set aside.

Filling:

Saute onions in olive oil (and a touch of butter) until soft in a large pot. Add mushrooms, saute until brown about 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Add spinach and cooked quinoa. Season with red pepper for a little kick. Continue to cook over low heat for another 10 minutes. Set aside.

Cheese sauce:

In a small sauce pan, make a roux with the butter and flour. Melt butter over low heat, add the flour slowly, and whisk to blend. Slowly add the vegetable stock, whisking constantly until thick. Season with salt and pepper. Add cheeses and stir until smooth. Add the cheese sauce to the spinach mixture.Let the filling thicken for a few minutes.

Scoop about 1/2 cup of the spinach mixture into each tortilla, top with a few of the roasted peppers and roll until tight. Place the enchiladas in a large baking dish, that has been sprayed with non-stick spray. You may need 2 dishes depending on the size of your enchiladas. Top with the can of green chili enchilada sauce and sprinkle with extra cheese.

Bake at 350, uncovered, for 15-20 minutes, or until cheese is melted and the edges are brown. Serve with sour cream, extra cheese and something spicy if you like it that way! If I can get my hands on my friend’s adobo chili sauce recipe, I will add that. It was a fabulous edition to the recipe!

***Thank you for taking the time to share the recipe and for making mine vegan! Here’s the chipotle sauce recipe (from Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook):

1 large onion, cut into small dice
4 cloves garlic, minced
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 chipotle peppers in adobo, minced
2 tablespoons adobo sauce from the chipotles

In a heavy-bottomed skillet over medium heat, sauté the onion and garlic in the olive oil until the onion is very soft, 10 to 12 minutes. Stir in the chipotles and adobo sauce, cook for 30 seconds, and remove from the heat. Allow to cool a few minutes, empty the sauce into a food processor bowl, and briefly pulse until a chunky sauce forms.

First of all, The Pharmacy is just a great venue. The space is open, lovely, kid-friendly (until 9 pm) and has a fun vibe. We waited about 30 minutes and the girls ran around outside while the adults slobbered on the menu.

Our group included 2 vegetarians, 2 kids and 2 meat eaters. Once we were seated, we told the girls they could eat whatever they wanted and they both ordered a fun drink from the old fashioned soda fountain and basic Pharmacy Cheeseburgers, along with tots. We were told to order tots, not fries. So we did.

The 2 vegetarians ordered a black bean burger and a falafel burger and shared. They were both very pleased, especially by the side order of wasabi mayo that was spread on everything in sight. I grabbed a nibble of the falafel burger and was quite impressed by the texture and the flavor.

The 2 meat eaters ordered the Stroganoff burger and the Mission City Burger and shared. The silly question of possibly ordering one of them with turkey was brought up, but I quickly squashed that idea. Our first trip to the Pharmacy would be all about the beef. And the tots. And the ketchup. And the beer gravy. Yep. I said beer gravy.

But I digress… The burgers were freaking amazing. All of them. Each of them fabulous in their own right. The soft buns are made especially for them by Provence Breads. The patties were homemade, just like your daddy would have created them for a grill in the back yard. They were sloppy, big, juicy and filled with flavor. Seriously, these folks know what a cheeseburger is supposed to taste like. The burgers were so good that I forgot to take a picture. OK, maybe I ate it too quickly and realized that with just one bite left and that made me feel like a piggy so I didn’t take a picture.

The toppings and dipping sauces are also amazing. Next time I go, I will go at an appropriate beer drinking hour (is there such a thing?) and get a cheeseburger drenched in the beer gravy to enjoy with my beer (s). That may have been the best part of the whole meal…. that, along with watching Knight eat her burger faster than I did and steal her kid’s tots to dip in the beer gravy.

Since we didn’t get any pictures of the food, this picture of 5 adorable girls before the burgers arrived will have to suffice. Make this place a priority if you want a killer burger in Nashville. And save room for a milkshake

I was the girl who said I would never get married again, but in March of 2011, on my 33rd birthday, I got engaged.

I know, right? I met a guy in October of 2010 and moved way too quickly into a whirlwind relationship that lead to an engagement in March and a break-up in April.  Looking back, I realized I was still searching for someone to fill a loneliness inside me. I wasn’t satisfied with myself professionally, nor had I completely healed from a failed marriage. I spent a couple of weeks crying and being sad, which ironically I didn’t do with my marriage. A broken engagement with a man who never deserved me or knew me taught me to feel again. It felt so damn good to cry.

I got a sister in February! Alicon couldn’t be a better match for Matthew and the entire Rogers family. She is the only person who makes Clair squeal with delight every time she sees her and I am beyond thankful for her positive attitude and genuine delight with life. Honestly, I am glad I didn’t have a sister growing up to steal all of the attention from me, but I am more than happy to share the spotlight with sweet Ali

Spring brought me a new best friend. I have a handful of precious friends spread across the US, and the older I get the more I realize you really can’t have a lot of them. You can have lots of friends, and I am blessed to have many, but the friends who know your soul and your heart are few and far between.  Knight’s divorce was final in March and we found each other at exactly the right time. I am so thankful for her wisdom, honesty and her daughter. Sweet Lily is a breath of fresh air for both me and my Clair. The 4 of us are a force to be reckoned with.

Twitter got me a new job in May. Seriously. I knew I was ready to move back into the corporate world and mentioned that I was looking for a career change to a few friends. One of them mentioned it to an attorney friend of his, Stephen, who I knew from Twitter, and 2 weeks later I was the Marketing Coordinator for Bone McAllester Norton. In an economy where people had been jobless for over a year, my connections through social media helped me land my dream job. Almost 8 months later, I couldn’t be happier and more thankful for this opportunity.

Don’t ask me what I did this summer. Clair was gone. Knight and I went out. A lot. I attended my first grown-up camp for a weekend with another bestie, Emmely, and met tons of fabulous people. We played games that all started by chugging a beer (totally up my alley!) and slept in cabins with mattresses that squeaked every time you moved. It was AWESOME! Of course, I totally should have been named the Best New Camper, but I am over that. Really. I am.

Fall started with a party. An “Eff the Summer” party that included a shrimp boil, a homemade fire pit and my dad’s recipe for shrimp.  We drank an entire bowl of “Summer Beer” and transitioned into “Fall Punch”. Pretty sure a group of us were art directed for pictures that included apples, knives and awkward. Totally normal for me.

The best part of 2011 was on November 30th. I decided to stop being an immature brat and let go of the anger I was harboring towards my ex-husband and his girlfriend. I just let it go. I wrote them an email and told them I was happy for them and that they are a great couple. And I meant it. I genuinely mean it. They are a team and they love Clair and that is all that matters. I had lunch with them last week and it wasn’t bad. Clair had sparkles in her eyes when she realized I was going to stay for lunch. She is happy. Mommy is happy. Daddy is happy. That is what matters.

2011 has been life changing. Every event has made me stronger. Each heartache has taught me a lesson. Friends keep me going and my daughter makes every day more meaningful. I love my life. I loved this year, but this next year will be epic. You can write that on a rock.

I met my foodie friend Beth for lunch at Fido last week and didn’t even look at the menu. I was getting the burger that I had been hearing so much about. And oh heavens, it was scrumptious. Delicious, juicy, flavorful, amazing, delightful and mouth watering. I took this  picture on my phone, but Vivek already wrote an beautiful blog post on the burger, and his pictures and eloquent descriptions do this burger justice. Enjoy!

I had no idea what he was talking about. Turns out my picture was right next to the likes of Blake Shelton, Chris Johnson, Dave Ramsey and my friend Kate O’Neill as being influential in Nashville. We were measured by our Klout score, which is a service that calculates a persons online influence. My buddy Dave Delaney got great recognition, as well as another friend Steve Chandler. I am connected to these people  because of social media so it makes sense that we are all friends. I am genuinely honored to be recognized as being influential in the social media world, but I had to chuckle at bit when I really thought about how this influence is measured.

I probably shouldn’t admit that I don’t really pay attention to Klout. I have never asked for a recommendation and don’t make a habit of checking my profile like I do my Twitter and Facebook. I don’t make a special effort to increase my Klout score. I just do what I do. I tweet a lot and push good information out so others can use it. I read people’s updates and comment on them. I blog and read other blogs. I connect people online and in real life.

To me, social media is an incredible tool to meet people and to help them. I am not saying I go all Mother Teresa and try to save the world one tweet at a time, but I genuinely try to connect people with resources or even a good coffee shop in town. A quick congratulations to a twitter friend or a “Like” on a great Facebook post doesn’t take long. This world is insanely small and social media makes it even smaller. The way I see it, I may as well bring as many good people together as possible. It makes our small world a happier world.

If you want to learn more about Klout, check out Dave Delaney’s post. He already did all the work explaining stuff and linking to other really smart people. And thanks for the picture, too! So glad they found one from 2 years and 10 pounds ago….